Last night and this morning have been a struggle.
After one last hoo-rah at church last night – where the Varsity catered their yummy burgers and fries and the church gym was full of games, giant blow up obstacle courses – it was time to start organizing for Monday: my daughter’s first day of Pre-K.
Of course I got in a tizzy, as is my personality. I was flitting around the house, getting ill because time had crept up on me and I’d known this day was coming for several months now. Still, the day was upon me and I wasn’t ready. I snapped at my poor girl more than I should have only because I was so nervous myself about her starting this new season of her life.
Finally, I got focused. Put aside the ironing that didn’t have to be done right then sat down with baby girl and we decided on the perfect outfit to wear. I knew I had bought more clothes for this school year but realized I was still quite behind on my washing… same story, different day. Luckily, we had a brand new outfit and new puppy dog bows she wanted to wear.
We took care of baths last night and finally got in the bed an hour later than I intended. Of course I couldn’t sleep, stayed up until midnight, knowing I was going to hate myself for it the next day.
Groggy & reluctant, I woke up this morning and pulled myself out of bed, knowing I couldn’t be late. Tardiness is frowned upon in the school system and I was going to have to shake off my procrastination for good.
Bless her, baby girl woke up in a good mood. She was ready to start school. She had her orange juice and granola bar (a routine we’ve been on for a while now) and then was ready to get dressed. She was excited about wearing the new clothes we’d bought her last weekend, and topped the outfit off with her puppy dog bows. She let me fix her hair and even brushed her teeth! (Folks, this is PROOF God was really around this morning as that was a pure miracle!)
Baby Girl slung her backpack over her shoulders and out the door we went. We rode quietly in the car and I made sure to tell her how proud I was of how she got dressed this morning and what an awesome day she was going to have.
I walked her into her class room, unbelieving how quickly this time had come. I forgot my camera but after the teacher got her seated at her table, I snapped one picture of Baby Girl about to start her day. I captured her sweet little dollface as she looked at something beside me… the uncertainty in her eyes nearly broke my heart, but I knew, I reminded myself, she was going to do spectacular!
I wanted to stay, but knew it was nearing eight, the time class starts. I should have lingered outside the window a little longer, to wave at her… yet my heart was so heavy, I knew I was about to break. I couldn’t let her see me as anything except confident. If she saw my weakness, she’d start to worry. I waved and followed another set of parents out of the room. The mom ahead of me smiled and I knew she was probably feeling the same way I did.
I made it to the car before the first tear fell. I blame it on horomones, but really, pregnant or not, I would’ve cried.
An hour and a half has passed since I dropped her off. I’m dying to go back to the school and peak in on her. I’m thinking they’ve already been outside to play by this time, already had their breakfast snack. I worry she won’t eat enough and will be hungry…
But I’ve prayed that God will be with her and I know He is. I can rest with that knowledge and look forward to seeing her afterwards when I know she’ll be full of stories about her first day of Pre-K.
Be strong and of good courage for He is with you….